After everything that I went through in my first few years trying to make it in Japan, a lot of the people close to me told me that I was nuts for choosing to stay.  Among other things, I was set up to lose in a kickboxing match, forced to lose in a TV toughman contest, and then stiffed on the payment (of over $1000) on both of them. I’ve had strangers try and start fights with me to show how tough they are, a girlfriend get pregnant from another Japanese guy, and even denied the chance to practice on sets in favor of giving more time to the other Japanese actors. All this was only to have the first interview I’d ever gotten received with almost nothing but negative comments from other foreigners. (Apparently one guy even doubted in my own English speaking abilities).

At the same time however, if there is anything that life has taught me, it’s that what doesn’t kill you only makes you tougher.

As any fighter will tell you, half of winning is knowing how to take even the hardest shots without giving the judges and spectators any reason to even believe that they connected.

Aside from being able to take blows, the other half is knowing your opponent. Even an adversary as large, experienced, and well trained as racism still has its weaknesses. If you have a similar battle to fight with this particular opponent, here is the strategy that I always used to win. As it stands right now, it has never once let me down, and I doubt that it ever will.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Bell Curve

From what I’ve seen in my travels to 33 countries around the world (and living experience in 5 of them) for the most part people everywhere are pretty much the same. While culture may create a lot of superficial differences (and a few deep-seated ones), any given group of people will fall into a certain bell curve. A few will always be extremely good people, a few will be some serious a—holes, and the majority of people will fall into a huge neutral group that just wants to get by, have a few nice things in their lifetime and successful kids. Although not always, the racists are simply a part of that given society’s a–hole minority.

Much like anywhere else, if you stay in Japan for a while, probability alone will dictate that sooner or later you are going to run into one. As such, there’s no point in getting upset when it happens. In fact, given the fact that they are a small minority, you can even rejoice in the fact that after you meet one, your chances of running into another one at random are actually lower.  You have nowhere to go but up.

Step 2. Find the Source

Not everyone who acts ‘racist’ is actually a bad person. As with any kind of discrimination, at least in my own experience, the attitude only stems from one of two things: misguided anger or misguided fear. As such, if you have no choice but to interact with your a—hole, your first step should be finding out which one it is. Their source may or may not even have anything to do with you at all.

One person I got to know in Tokyo had actually been kidnapped (and subsequently traumatized) by an African male when she was young and for her, that was enough to make all of us ‘scary’. Though she never did tell me about it, the fact that she shared it with a mutual friend while speaking positively of me shed a lot of light on the issue.  Traumatizing events with foreigners can and do happen, and it’s important to remember that before making judgments of people.

In the case of those who have never interacted with someone like you before, oftentimes, it is simply a natural human response of fear of the unknown. Coming from other first world countries where people of other races are a dime a dozen, that may seem silly but it is important to realize that for the uninitiated Japanese person (who is oftentimes painfully shy anyway) it can be every bit as nerve-racking as bungee jumping for the first time.

Meeting fear and apprehension with ridicule or anger will only deepen their fears further. In much the same way that meeting a powerful attack with another powerful attack head-on will only result in unnecessary injury on both sides, confronting anger with anger will only have the same result- deeper injury. In the same way that an attack should be met with a deflection in a perpendicular direction (or a movement that allows the energy to continue in the same direction), anger should only be met with patience, calmness and an objective ear- even if you completely disagree with their outlook.

Oftentimes finding this source is as simple as getting to know them. The more you find out about a person’s background, the more sense their behavior is going to make, and oftentimes people will open up to you simply because you care enough to ask. This act in and of itself can do wonders for breaking down walls of any kind.

Step 3: Prove them Wrong

Once you know what the source is, (or even in the case that you don’t), the next step should be proving their negative ideas wrong. Again, this can be effective even when you don’t have the chance to get to know them (as on set, I usually don’t).

One personal example of this was a play that I was invited to join by a fellow actor friend in which the director refused to let me practice. Instead, he had other Japanese actors do my parts, and left me to just sit there all day. At the insistence of a friend, he finally gave me a chance, and with that chance I made it my business to go far beyond his expectations. With that pleasant surprise, he gave me 5 more days to practice, and even expanded on my role in the play.

Step 4: Follow-Up (Keep proving them wrong)

Unfortunately, as great as it would be, you can’t change someone overnight. It takes time. Personal philosophies (however skewed) are deeply engrained things and even with the best efforts will rarely change them quickly. (Sometimes the change may not even be noticeable until you run into them years later and they extend a hand to thank you for it).

As such, after you have proved them wrong once, you can’t really stop there… you have to keep proving them wrong until the idea that they have been looking at you in the wrong light can really take hold.

In the case of the aforementioned director, for myself, this meant not just blowing him away once, but doing it even better every time after that. It meant always being the first one there on set, always being totally prepared, and at times being the only one who wasn’t making any mistakes- but it paid off in that his attitude changed to such a degree that he actually offered me a place in the play’s Osaka tour as well.

Step 5: Share Your Victory With Others

The fact of the matter, this battle is one that is far bigger than you or I alone, and a victory for one, is a victory for all. Celebrate it, share it, and let everyone know. In doing so, you can not only help others to see past the negativity of you’re a–hole, but maybe even one of their own. Your example can (and probably will) inspire at least one other person to dig a little bit deeper before they judge someone to be of bad character.

If nothing else, or if the frustration of working through this process becomes to great, just remember that when fighting this battle, you aren’t alone. For whatever reason, the-powers-that-be have chosen you to be a soldier in fight that is way bigger than all of us, and that regardless of whether you choose to fight it out to the bitter bloody end, or throw in the towel, go home, or give up, the outcome of it is something that we all face together.