Enter the Ninja: Please Exit Stage Left

November 10th, 2010By Category: Arts & Entertainment

As Enter the Ninja (1981) opens and you peer into Franco Nero’s tired, Caucasian eyes peaking through a white ninja suit, you’re convinced it’s a comedy. The only funny thing is that Enter the Ninja is not a comedy.

Nero, whose character’s name is Cole, darts through the woods and swiftly dispatches a team of attackers. He makes it back to the dojo to earn high praise from his ninja master—and showcase a horridly bad ‘80s mustache and less-than-manly receding hairline. Later the assembled ninjas toast Cole and his ascendancy to full-fledged ninja-hood. That is, everyone expect Hasegawa, who doesn’t believe non-Japanese are worthy of being ninjas.

The scene cuts and Cole arrives at a plantation outside Manila, where he’ll be visiting his old war buddy Frank, and Frank’s hot, under-sexed wife Mary Ann. But there’s trouble brewing in town! A toad-like German with a hook for a hand is terrorizing the workers and driving them from Frank and Mary Ann’s land. But Fritz is small sauerkraut. His boss, the industrialist Mr. Venarius, is the true enemy. He knows Frank and Mary Ann’s land is blessed with oil, and he wants it.

After Cole easily fends off marauding hordes of knife-wielding thugs, Venarius grows impatient. When he learns that Cole is a ninja—an ancient Japanese assassin who “excels in martial arts, swordsmanship, archery, and poisons”—he gets jealous. “I want a ninja,” Venarius orders. His valet is dispatched to Tokyo, and returns with none other than our nemesis Hasegawa.

The rogue ninja wastes little time wreaking havoc by killing Frank and kidnapping Mary Ann. Cole tracks Hasegawa and Venarius to a sports complex, and before long it’s just Cole and Hasegawa left mano a mano in the cock-fighting ring. (Yes, this scene is fraught with double-entendre possibilities.) Hasegawa succumbs, and uses his dying breath to implore, “You won with honor. Now let me die with honor.” Cole promptly beheads him, and the camera takes its time to pan away and show the severed head rolling away from the corpse.

The vulgarity of that climactic scene pretty much sums up the degradation of Enter the Ninja. The action sequences reek of amateurism—the players are embarrassingly slow and out of shape. Gratuitous blood ruins more than a few scenes. The stereotypes and bad accents make it all the more unbearable. True, the film is of 1981 vintage, but there’s absolutely nothing redeeming about watching it again today—which begs the question of why someone bothered to air it on cable T.V (and why I bothered to watch it!).

Part of my motivation for writing this column is to point out films and books that offer at least a unique perspective on Japan for Western audiences. But even through a camp or ironic prism, Enter the Ninja still lacks. It relies on a certain mysterious intrigue about Japan and ninjas that may have existed in 1981, but just seems silly—and downright offensive–29 years later. If you’re interested in learning anything about Japan or ninjas, avoid this effort.

Finally, dear reader, I know you’ve suffered reading thus far, which is why I saved the worst news for last: Enter the Ninja is the first installment of an entire Ninja trilogy!

The “View from the West” column takes a light-hearted examination of all things Japanese through the prism of current events, pop culture, movies, books, and any other Japan-centric content Western audiences may come across. Mark Hersberger is an active Japan commentator and author of the mystery novel Tokyo Lives.

Author of this article

Mark Hersberger

The “View from the West” column takes a light-hearted examination of all things Japanese through the prism of current events, pop culture, movies, books, and any other Japan-centric content Western audiences may come across. Mark Hersberger is an active Japan commentator and author of the mystery novel Tokyo Lives (see 'Website' link).

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