Have you ever wandered the aisles of your local Japanese drug store chain wondering what most of the stuff is? Well, me too. And once I found out what some of it actually was, I had to laugh. But who really knows if these products work or not? It’s hard to say who will get the last laugh.

Wacky Beauty Product #1: Breast Enlarger Cookies You can buy these cookies at almost any drug store or Don Quixote and they are called F-cup cookies. Can a cookie really enhance the size of a woman’s breast? I’m not sure but the magic ingredient in these cookies is Pueraria Mirifica, a root herb that can be found in Northern Thailand and Myanmar. Some benefits of taking this herb are increased appetite, increased circulation, increased energy and vigor, and better sleep. So, let’s “bust up!”

Wacky Beauty Product #2: Smile Trainers

As a matter of fact, the well-respected Japanese brand, Shu Uemura, makes this product, which is a small, brace-like prosthetic that you fit into your mouth. The company says that this smile trainer will train people to smile more often and at the same time, work to decrease facial sagging. However, you cannot actually speak when the product is in your mouth so don’t take it to work with you.

Wacky Beauty Product #3: Face Shaper

This product serves two purposes. One is to make your face slimmer and the other is for a Friday the 13th Halloween mask. This mask supposedly contains the “growing” of your face by pressing down on your facial bones and also massages and melts away the fat from your face. I’d say your better off using it for Halloween.

Wacky Beauty Product #4: Nose Stretcher

With this product, you might be better off just buying a strong clothespin, as the product itself resembles just that. The Hana Hana Nose Stretcher promises to make your nose bigger and longer by stretching the nose cartilage with only a few minutes of use everyday. But who in their right mind wants a bigger or longer nose? Apparently, Japanese women do, as they are supposedly unhappy with their small, flat noses, according to the advertisement. Although a nose stretcher sounds painful, plastic surgery sounds even more so. Therefore, in the end, the Hana Hana Nose Stretcher might be the way to go if you want to change your honker.

Wacky Beauty Product #5: Head Bath Cap

This is a plastic cap which you fill with water and put over your head. The water is said to be good for your scalp and will help you grow thicker and longer hair. The cap also covers the entire face so make sure that you are at home alone when you use this, otherwise you may scare the hell out of someone.

Wacky Beauty Product #6: Neck Stretcher

This accordion-like device is meant to go around your neck and is then filled with air from a conveniently provided hand pump. This is meant to stretch your neck and increase your height. It might have been more effective just to drink your milk, just like your mom told you to. Wacky Beauty Product #7: Slim Mouth Piece The slim mouth piece is different from the smile trainer in that it exercises your facial muscles and helps you to lose fat around the mouth. Also, despite its name, it is actually supposed to make your mouth bigger. If the mouth is widened, it will give the appearance of a “small face”, which is greatly admired by the Japanese.

Wacky Beauty Product #8: Feces Odor Tablets

Yes, this product was invented in Japan for those who are self-conscious about pooping in public toilets. Nothing is more embarrassing than leaving a not-so-rosy smell behind you in the stall, especially if another person is waiting to use it. These tablets promise to make your feces completely odor-free after three days of use. “People must be responsible for their odors,” the bottle claims. The tablets come in a bottle which reads Etiquette Up. So if you’re suffering from poop anxiety, head to your nearest drug store chain to see if they carry some of these lovely tablets.

Wacky Beauty Product #9: Bird Poop Facial Treatment

Nightingale droppings have been used since the 18th century, by geishas and kabuki dancers to wash off their heavy white makeup. These droppings contain guanine, an enzyme that is said to be good for exfoliating, whitening the skin, removing pollutants and blackheads, and making the skin tone even. It doesn’t come cheap however, one ounce is about 2,000 yen and a facial treatment with the stuff can cost over 20,000 yen. Who knew that bird poop was actually worth anything?